Let's be honest...

A couple weeks ago I updated my blog with the news that I enlisted in the U.S. Army. I made this decision for many reasons and felt that it was a great move for me and my family.

The truth is, I'm scared to death. Not scared of drill sergeants screaming in my face or doing 5,000 push-ups a day, but terrified of putting my role as mommy on hold for the time I am at training. How will I ever be okay spending 9 weeks away from my baby boy? How can a "good mom" possibly do such a thing?

I know that I need to continue my education in order to ever get anywhere in this world and that's the main reason I chose the Army. I've seen student loans literally ruin people's lives for years and that's not something I wanted to get into. I also wanted to have the means to put money away for my children to go to school one day and not worry about where the money is going to come from. But for the last two years, I have woken up every single day to Aydan'a sweet smile. Now I'm supposed to wake up to a drill sergeant in a goofy hat?

I don't regret my decision, I think I just wish that I had done this sooner. The six months (2 months at BCT and 4 months of AIT) are going to be the hardest six months of my life and as much as I have been trying to mentally prepare myself, I don't feel prepared at all. I have nightmares about the moment I will have to kiss my baby goodbye. I question myself every day. I'm pretty sure I'm crazy. What milestones am I going to miss? My mind is going absolutely bizerk.

What makes matters worse, is that when people find out about my decision to enlist, the look on there face is as if they think I'm absolutely bonkers. Or maybe that's just my crazy mind putting thoughts in my head again.

Obviously I could ramble on and on all day, this is literally how my brain seems to work these days. It kind of sucks.